Career mom...again.

Excuse me as I ramble with lifes happenings....

 

It has been ....*counting fingers*

4 years since I have worked. Yes, I did the photography thing but I mean like

worked for someone, with a company. Whatever that word is. LOL

I have been a ...gulp...SAHM for the past 4 years. It has been nice but mostly I feel incomplete.

I am such an independent person and by not working, I feel like I am not doing my part. What if something happened to Randy? God forbid. But seriously...how would I be able to survive if I am a sahm? Plus I just miss it! I want to get out there and make my own money, help provide for my family, and  have adult conversation. It is time....and well, I am back.

I start substituting really soon for a local district. I am BEYOND ecstatic.

I can finally bring in some income, get some experience for my future teaching career, and just enjoy life and be me again. The me that has been lost for a long time.

This means one scary thing though. The daycare hunt. Oh man. I'm usually the nonchalant easy going mom but after doing some working interviews in local daycares lately....HOLY bananas...no way! Now I am the freak out mama. 

 

My youngest, nathan, is two. Whether others believe me or not, I swear he has a form of autism like my 6 yr old Kailah. It's my mommy gut telling me.  I fear that nobody will understand him. They will be mean and he will have a fit. He has fits like Kailah does. It is so exhausting. He doesn't eat like a typical kid...he doesn't talk like a typical kid...he avoids eye contact and when does make contact, doesn't like it. He makes hand to face gestures. He likes to rub his finger over his lip, always. He licks chips and places them back in the bag. Doesn't like to be touched or talked to by strangers. Seems to be in his "own world"...a lot.Overstimulated by sounds, loud places, and overcrowded areas. You can ask him where body parts are, what is my name, etc and he knows the answer but he avoids it, like he is just out in space and so focused on something else. Like Kailah, he has texture preferences with food. They like liquids mostly, not many solids...if they do, it's junk. They can go without eating, it doesn't bother them. He doesn't have any OCD habits like Kailah but he does have an attachment for when he gets anxious. Kailah HAD to have the pacifier. Nathan HAS to have his bottle. I need to break from it but like Kailah, it's hell. Literally. By the end of the day, the fits are so exhausting, you just give in. Thankfully PPCD helped Kailah break free. They dealt with the fits, they knew how to control her because they were certified for it.

 I'm just mom with a lot of emotions. 

I am back and forth on whether I should have him tested. He's 2 now. The dr said I can wait and see but I know with experience, the earlier is better. Oh and...they don't sleep. I am dead serious. Autistic children struggle with sleep and awake patterns, their body doesn't know how to tell the brain how that all works. We have ups and downs with Kailah but she is usually up by 4 or 5am. Nathan doesn't really nap anymore and telling him it's bedtime is a lost cause, his brain just isn't "getting the idea". Potty training was easy with Kailah. She leans more on the Aspergers side of the spectrum. Extremely, overly smart. The things she said and did at 3 years old was astounding. She can memorize a book once read to her one time. She knew animals by their species. Nathan is the quiet, doesn't talk much type. He says a few things like Mama, daddy, uh oh, baba, "ice" (which is eyes), nosh (nose) peace (please), tank ew (thank you), and no. Otherwise it is a whole lot of gibberish. My fear is putting him in daycare and finding out I am not the only one who sees it. I mean, I don't mind. My 6 yr old is autistic. I just had to learn the hard way. I knew she was different though others were unsure. It took going to a birthday party when she was 3 for strangers to ask, "what is wrong with her? Does she have some sort of disability?" My throat had the biggest knot. That's when I said, forget it...I am doing the testing and low and behold...yep.

So now I am on the fence again with Nathan. I wonder, "do others see it but fear telling me by hurting my feelings?" I want to know. If you do, tell me. It helps ease my mind. I won't be hurt. Granted it is hard to hear those words but in the end, I can get him the help he needs and quick. I want him to have a normal life. I want him to get the help he needs now so he can learn to work with it in the future. Not use it as a crutch, but learn that the world won't revolve around his needs, he needs to be prepared for the world and what it holds. I'll get off my little soap box now...just a lot weighing on my mind.

Amirah has been doing guitar lessons with the sweet kid who graduated from CRHS. She LOVES it! I can't wait to see how far she goes with it. (: And swim team and cheer are approaching so we will be super busy with that! 

Oh, so I want to join a gym. Not to lose weight, Lord knows I don't need to lose anymore weight. LOL I want to tone up things and feel good again. I felt so good when I was a dancer but apparently finding ballet classes for adults is hard to come by these days. So I just figured I would do Zumba. Not sure when I would fit that into my busy schedule but I am sure I can make it work.

My husbands new work schedule makes for lonely evenings but after the Oilfield life, I sure ain't complaining. 

Well I have a ton of homework to do and dinner to cook. 

Keep you all posted! (: