War of the Warts

So i am sure you have heard me talk about them.

those pesky viral warts of Nathans.

poor kid has had one massive mean booger of one since before his first birthday

add to the fact that he is on the autism spectrum with EXTREME 

sensory processing issues....

well that makes treating a viral wart nearly impossible.

pedi said, "meh leave it be and it will go away"

yeah so around 18 mths that sucker grew twice the size and adopted a new sibling

so she recommended we treat it with otc products.

yall...my kid was in OT at this time and a band aid was like physically painful for him

so...otc products weren't happenin

by the time he turned two, the warts were bigger and of course brought new 

smaller friends with them. guess they hate being lonely and they always come in pairs.

jerks.

by this time we had to try otc products and natural remedies.

when I say we tried EVERYTHING,

I literally mean everything.

pretty sure we paid more for otc viral wart medications than we do on 

our monthly car payment.

i was determined to win this war.

sadly I lost and those assholes showed me what for by bringing more

bumpy friends but this time on my beautiful childs face.

ok warts. this is a full on battle now. we're going to the professionals.

so again. went to pedi and pretty much said,

" i need a referral for a dermatologist like asap"

she attempted to start her speech on otc products and I gave her my death stare

i meant serious business.

Finally we got in to a pediatric dermatologist.

By this time Nate was 3 and had about 5 or 6 warts.

she treated them with a solution over the next few weeks that cost us

$260 out of pocket EVERY two weeks.

and those damn things never budged.

So she brought out the bug juice...

yep, you know what that means.

WAR!

so we treated with the DCP (bug juice) and made a follow up appointment

well...it blistered up...

fell off about a month later...

and then the doctor moved out of state.

*sigh*

and guess what,

that wart that fell off?

yeah...he came back with an entire wart family.

literally like a slew of them.

they immigrated from where-the-hell-ever

 all over both hands

maybe 20, i dont know i lost count when the last 

ones arrived.

so we had to find a new derm. and of course, 

four month waiting period and during this time his warts are just 

getting cozy and reproducing in my face like 

"hey look us making little wart babies on your baby"

so i slather them in otc products and suffocate with duck tape 

hoping theyll just die already. 

i knew they wouldnt but I just stand looking at them giving me 

that HA HA look

well we saw the new derm today...

yall,

this new plan of action is aggressive and intense and I am pretty positive we're about to 

wipe out this wart planet to extinction.

i sure hope so!

he's back on the "bug juice" but this time we're getting our own script of it

to use at home ( they dont usually do this except with bad cases)

we have to get the script downtown and its not covered by insurance

BUT I am determined to win this war!

he's also on an oral wart medication to help rid of the virus

and a topical cream for the ones on his face.

PLUS we use Compound W on top of it all.

so that's FOUR treatments to wipe this sucker out.

Let's hope this is it! My poor boy has to wear bandaids because other kids and

adults dont want to touch his hands and thats hard

on a little guy who just wants to play and use his hands like everyone else.

I'll keep you posted but...I have a feeling by summer...

this little wart planet will GONE!

:)

To new adventures

As most of you know, I will be homeschooling this Fall. 

4 kiddos

different curriculum.

Peoples idea of homeschooling is....well, it's interesting.

My idea or let's just say my goal is this.....

Since we're still in our rental we will spend this next year figuring out what curriculums work best for each kid. We won't have a major room set up because, well we are kinda cramped with space.

I know some people don't understand our reasoning for homeschooling

but everyone is different. We all have expectations and personal aspects when it involves our children.

In my household, public education is not working for us. My kids are not gaining anything. And I am not happy, year after year. So it is time we move on to something else.

Will you homeschool them until college?

I honestly have no idea. My plan is to homeschool until highschool and then place them back in to public education. But if my child is not happy and wants to continue staying home to gain their education, then so be it. I can personally see my 7 yr old being this way. She's like me, she doesn't work well with other humans. *wink wink*

So what happens after you move out of the rental?

We want land. Lots of land. Unrestricted land. We are not fond of HOAs. And honestly we dont want neighbors within half a mile of us so the whole question about how your neighbors house looks is not an issue. We want lots of animals. I mean, we have a lot now but oh man...put me on land and imagine the animals I could have. We have thought of having a sanctuary or a rescue or maybe a boarding facility. Not sure. The ideas just roll. I do want my kids to be exposed to nature. And to learn how to nurture. 

Proverbs 12:10

"A righteous man hath regard for the life of his beast, but the tender mercies of the wicked are cruel"

 

I found this scripture and it is by far my favorite. Too often you hear people say "it's just a 'insert type of animal'."

But it's like I often say....Noah built an ark for a reason. Animals are Gods creatures too so we should treat them just as we would any human. 

 

 

 

But back to the homeschool and land business. I want my kids to explore. climb trees, play and get dirty in the creek, explore the tall grass and create fun imaginative games. I want them to know and experience the world around them. To see what a firefly is and how fascinating they are. How plants take root and grow with water and sun right before their eyes. To see an animal give birth and watch as the mother nurtures her young. Teaching the boys how to become good fathers and husbands and the girls to be caring and loving wives and mothers. 

 

I never saw myself living that life. In fact I despised it. But now I cant see myself doing anything else. Even if its just a little old farmhouse or simple mobile home on a piece of land....I could make do. I think my kids would gain so much and become better people living the country life. 

 

And crazy as it sounds, I think it would make me a better mom and wife.

i've neglected my health for a long time. And it has only gotten worse with time. It has made me an angry bitter woman. I dont feel like I am in pain but I know I must be because of how mean I get.

I dont like the person I have become. She makes me angry. Makes me hurt more.

Its not fair to my family. For them to see me be so mean. So frail.

I need fresh air. To touch dirt. Be barefoot. Cook and make a mess with my babies without tearing in to them every 5 seconds. To smell hard work and taste rain. To roll in the fields and hum with tune of the birds in the trees. To hear nothing but nature around me as I soak up the sun. To finally smile at the sound of my babies playing and having fun.

To feel good. 

to find me.

And to be a better person. 

Its a dream. A dream I hope one day to make reality. Until then, we live in the 'burbs and begin our new adventure of homeschooling. I am really excited. And so happy to have family supporting me. My mom being a retired teacher is a HUGE help with getting the curriculum and helping me figure it all out.  I am so very appreciative.

Summer is just about here and we plan to stay busy.

Lots of family activities planned and summer camps. 

 

I am currently not taking on any photo sessions. Trying to get personal things figured out and get my health back on the right track as best as I can. 

 

I miss writing so I might start just writing or blogging to myself. ha! 

 

Heart,

-Amanda-

Blue Skies

Just got the call

I can breathe.

"No news is good news"

Its not something you say to a mama who's been told 

Her child has a 50% chance of having cancer.

Its not that type of situation.

I appreciate the positive comments

But I was feeling like I was losing my child

And myself before even being told the news.

But thank you.

Thank you for the comments

The sweet words and prayers. 

It means more than you will ever know.

After spending every day sweet talking the nurse

I finally lashed out.

When you're told

50% chance

You need good or bad news

NOW.

I firmly and aggressively 

Told the front desk

That I need a call.

Even if it was a call to say

"Hi..I got your message"

That's all I want.

I'm losing my mind.

Physically and mentally falling apart.

Roll your eyes

But until you've been there

You haven't a clue.

So the surgeon called me himself.

apologized for not calling soon enough.

Its complicated.

She JUST had surgery so the inflammation

Swelling and all that jazz is throwing them off.

But he spoke to the radiologist and they both feel

That it looks to be a

Neurofibroma

Which is a rare calcified tumor

That begins in the nerves.

Because she JUST had surgery

He wants to wait 4 weeks to perform surgery

To remove it.

These tumors grow back so

She will be looking at more surgery in the future.

In 4 weeks the swelling should have subsided enough for him

To see what's going on.

Most likely he will remove the center of it which

He stated was quite large

As well as surrounding tissue.

Also the tumor has now become part of her skin

So he will need to remove quite a bit of the

Skin and she will get either skin grafts or skin flaps depending 

On how much is removed. 

In two weeks we will have a preop and discuss different surgical options

As well as what the future holds.

I'm just sooooo glad its not as drastic as it could have been.

She is a brave girl and she is going to 

Get through this like a champ.

I feel like a huge weight is lifted. 

Thank you all again! 

Autopilot

That's the only way I can describe it

Autopilot

All day

And at night I'm sick.

My body hurts so badly

I can barely chew my food

Because I either feel sick to my stomach or my jaw hurts from tension.

Friday was the MRI.

It was supposed to be Thursday but the Dr

Called radiology and requested a 3t scan done.

One that Katy campus doesn't have.

So we got rescheduled for Friday in the med center.

Poor girl missed two days of school

And she couldn't eat all day.

She was so cranky.

I don't blame her 

So we get to the med center.

And make it to radiology.

We quickly get called back.

I almost lost it a few times. 

Things that were said.

It just puts you on edge and makes you start oover thinking

Everything was fine until they discovered she has metal

In her mouth.

A spacer.

Kailah lost a tooth too early

And has a spacer until she's old enough to let the big

Tooth grow in. 

Anyways it was cause for concern for the MRI

Because its metal and metal heats up in an MRI

So it was either give her anesthesia and risk 

Her mouth getting too hot

Or not put her to sleep and risk her freaking out in the MRI

So many nurses came and went

I was on edge.

I told the anesthesiologist

"Go with your gut. Do what YOU think is best"

They kept saying

"Youre here to scan a ganglion cyst right?

WHAT!? NO!!! we wouldnt be here if

It was a ganglion cyst!

Its a TUMOR!!

At that point i was just sick to my stomach.

They decided it would be best to let kailah

Sleep during the mri

An hour long they said.

One hour max.

She was so brave getting her iv.

Quite humorous actually.

Never cried.

Made silly faces. Lol

Then away they went at 2:22pm

An hour long. 

One hour they said.

3:22pm....

4:22pm....

Excuse me mam, whats the status of my daughter?

"Oh the doctor called and wanted more scans, it will be a bit longer

But shes doing good"

At that point i freaked out.

Every possible thing went through my mind.

More scans?

Is it bad?

Did he see something?

Why more scans?

My mom was there to keep me company.

She got me a coffee and muffin

But i honestly felt sick.

I was hungry but

Nauseated.

5:28pm...

"Mrs. Trevino...your daughter is out now"

I couldnt get up fast enough.

There she was

Sleeping so peaceful

The nurse kept talking

I wanted her to go away

When under stress 

I just like to be left alone.

I focused on kailah

Took about 10 minutes and she woke up.

grumpy gills

But she was good.

Quickly requested a cake pop

Thats my Jade.

(:

The nurse said dr will receive the results monday

So home we went.

To wait the weekend.

Monday is here.

I called the office to see if i can get in tomorrow to 

Discuss results

BuT the lady said next appointment isn't until late

January.

I went off. 

NO!

I MUST COME IN THIS WEEK.

she reassured me that 

The Dr will call me when the results

Come in.

So once he reviews them he will 

Call me. 

So now I wait.

On autopilot.

Moving

Keeping busy

Crying randomly

Then going about life again as usual

I know people say

"I'm sure she'll be okay"

But you don't understand

Nothing has been okay

Everything keeps going bad.

I know thinking positive will be best

But I also have to be prepared

And being prepared is also 

Reality.

It hits hard.

What if it is bad?

What then?

I'm having faith its all okay.

that its just a calcified tumor.

There's the 50/50 chance.

But I'm just sick to my stomach

Not knowing.

And I'm nervous to know.

It will be a huge relief if it is just

A calcified tumor.

It still means more surgery because

It has to come out.

But its better than the alternative.

Just send some happy thoughts

And prayers that

We get answers SOON

and that they're GOOD results.

I can't thank you all enough. 

Xoxo

somewhere over the rainbow

I held it together

The biggest lump in my throat

My eyes watered and I assured the nurse it was allergies

She's a mom

She knew I was lying

Ganglion cyst

That's what we were told a year ago

No big deal just monitor it

OK

My gut said something was off

Spring went by

 summer was a whirlwind

This cyst had grown

And by august kailah complained quite often

That it was hurting

I want a second opinion I told her pedi. 

So to Dr. hartin we went to get another opinion.

He's a hand surgeon

Great guy and good with kids

Hmmm

He repeated

Looks ganglion but there's a slight chance its not

Its just

So different 

He said

But let's get it out!

So we scheduled outpatient surgery for the following week.

Easy in and out surgery to remove a common 

Ganglion cyst.

Surgery day came

She was so brave

She entertained everyone by performing Frozen lyrics

There were kids everywhere

Zooming around between the legs of the nurses

Some you knew had cancer as their ports were shown 

And their sweet little heads were bald

my heart ached

Palms were sweaty

Ganglion cyst

Thats it

Just a simple cyst

And we go home

She kissed me bye and they walked her to the OR

30 minute surgery

I sat in the waiting room

Watching as nurses came in and relieved anxious parents

2 hours later

Her dr came to me with a worried look

"Its not ganglion, its a tumor...and i honestly dont know if its mlignant or not but its not good"

I didnt cry

I just shook my head trying to listen as other parents stared at me

I wanted to run

Run to my baby

I want to see her now. Right now. This second. Give her to me.

its supposed to be ganglion

This whole time 

This whole damn year

Its supposed to be ganglion

I wanted to laah out and scream

But that lump in my throat

It just sat there stuck

For what seemed like eternity

I got my girl

And ananesthesia was rough

She vomited often in the car and at home

She fell asleep and i sat in the parking lot at ashley furniture

Crying. Just letting that lump go away.

A week went by

I impatiently waited for pathology results

But then her incincision got ugly

It wasn't healing right

Rejected stitches and got infected

So we went in to get it fixed up

Path results were in

He said

"Its a very rare tumor. Its a type of calcifying tumor that regrows after so long but its benign"

Sigh of relief

"But...I want to refer her to another surgeon...he can further evaluate and confirm results as well as see where to go from here"

So we scheduled with another surgeon.

Today was our first day to see the new surgeon. 

Again

I went in thinking 

Ok

Benign tumor needs removing or he will want to just monitor it

No biggie its benign

And in a matter of minutes that dang lump

In my throat was back.

"Xrays

We need xrays right now

Can you fill out these forms?

How is she with anesthesia?

Does she always look like this?

Theres a difference between skinny and frail.

Shes frail.

Does she gain weight?

So for the last two years shes always looked 

Like this? 

She looks sick and frail

Too often these tumors are diagnosed benign but they arent

Sarcoma can hide in the middle

I need to know 100% that this isnt cancer

Her xrays show something i dont like

I need to see more.

Mri immediately

Is she tired lately?

Cranky?

Sick at all?

The tumor hurts?

It grew over summer? 

Do you mind if i take a picture of her hand with my cell phone and 

Send it to another surgeon?

I want him to see this. 

If it is indeed just a calcifying tumor

We will remove it. 

If its sarcoma...

We get aggressive and get oncology on board

Because its ugly and its not good. 

Lets get this mri immediately

And go from there. "

I was like a deer in headlights

If i could put my babies back in my womb, 

I would. 

This is NOT what i expected. 

Im trying to be positive

But i also want to be prepared

Its exhausting being told

Its "no big deal" but it continues

To hit like bricks. 

Tomorrow she will miss more school

And get an mri

And then...

I dont even know. 

Im so lost.

Confused

Distraught

Still trying to let it sink in

I stay busy

If im not busy

I cry

I know it will be okay.

I know she will be okay

I want her to be okay.

So thats the update.

Please pray for my girl. 

Shes super brave.

Shes not excited about the mri or

More surgery.

She doesnt understand whts going on

But she knows her hand needs fixing.

So kinda send some happy thoughts our way

Tomorrow as we get her the mri.

Rise and Shine

It's been awhile

but I am back. so why not catch you up.

My finger is broken...like a little over a week but fortunately it is healing.

i think

Idk, i use it so it must be. lol

I may have some useless lopsided finger but by golly its still attached to my hand!

So let's back up....

Nathan has been in ECI project tyke since spring

and OMG he is progressing so well!

Though i am not surprised because their program is fabulous!

Anyhoo he is soon to be 3.

say whaaaaat?

yeah my BABY is going to be 3.

ugh

Well it is time for him to be officially tested.

So last Tuesday to be exact we had a 2 hour testing and evaluation done through the 

district and the verdict:

He is indeed on the Autism Spectrum

just like I knew deep down in my heart

Does that change anything?

no, DUH!

We got this!

He's not as severe as Kailah but they do have a lot of the same

quirks and whatnot. His social and speech need the most work

and his gait is a little different but

who wants to be normal? *wink wink*

And I swear if anyone tells me that my kids do not "look or act autistic"...

well just know to refrain from saying that.

you obviously need more education on autism...I am JUST saying

He had a huge meltdown today and all i could think was

get me out of here

haha

but some sweet lady came to my rescue.

no judgement

no questions

just jumped into our bubble of chaos and distracted him like a pro

I wanted to hug her

BTW theres something on my chest that bothers me

about a few months ago i got into a heated debate on facebook with a girl

who i looked up to in the photography world

sweet, kind, down to earth

we had our differences but thats what makes us...us.

So you have YOUR opinion on Vaccines and I have mine.

to each their own

leave it at that, right?

no

this is when i saw her true colors....

and if shes reading this...

do know that I forgive you for what you said

but I will never forget and I hope you understand that

anyways...

she truly believes autism is due to vaccines

its not.

and if you dont have a child with autsim, you have NO business even stating that

but what hurt me the most were her words

"if I could prevent my child from being autistic, I would"

That was a HUGE slap in the face.

I wanted to scream vulgar words at her and spit in her face with anger

But instead i defriended her

I ran away 

sometimes i regret it

but mostly im proud of myself

because

I have anger running in my blood 

but I chose to walk away.

How dare her

Why would she say that?

What if her child had a missing limb from birth and I said something along the same lines...

thats brutal

I would never

What she doesnt know...

is I am ever so LUCKY.

I have three incredibly beautiful smart children

I would not change a single thing about either of them

Is autism hard?

Hell ya

Will it knock us down?

no

Autistic children are fascinating 

the way they learn is mind blowing

If you watch Big Bang Theory

well

we have a sheldon in our house

But to the girl who stated those harsh words

Im sorry 

Im sorry you dont get to experience the joy of an autistic child

Im sorry you have so much  hatred

I am sorry you are uneducated on autism

I forgive you but those words cling to me and I cannot forget

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did,

but people will never forget how you made them feel."

-Maya Angelou

ANYWAYS

Autism is NOT caused by vaccines

so yall...HUSH!

I knew from BIRTH

before milk touched their tongues, before any vaccine entered their veins

that they were different

so go kick rocks

Now Amirah

Omgosh can you believe she is 10 and literally like

TALLER than me.

I want to cry

she was recently in a school musical

Oh that child of mine was

ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!

not a shy bone in her!

She is such a go getter and I am so proud of her!

She's doing GREAT this school year and we love her teachers!

FINALLY

lol

Shes such a HUGE helper around the house

Randy is oilfield again and

she just takes on little duties like no big deal

I am over here like a chicken with my head off and

shes like "its okay mom"

* sniff sniff*

Did I tell yall I am a Nana?

My stepson Jaylon and his girlfriend have a BEAUTIFUL

little girl named Mya.

 I could eat those toes yall!

They need to bring her over more often

*cough cough*

:)

yeah so randylicious is in the oilfield again

he originally got out because he is a HUGE family man

BUT

the income is amazing and he LOVES the job

so he's in with a different company

It is further away but our lease is up next year so

if he can give me land and a farmhouse

ill go wherever he is!

It would be a HUGE change but honestly change could be good.

Plus I realllllly want land yall!

ok so i am hangry but i promise to blog more often.

-thats what she said-

haha

xoxo

hello summer

Well in 6 days its officially here! 🙌 sweet summer time. The joys of screaming kids 24/7, highs in the 200s, my skinny fat self in a swimsuit roasting like a dehydrated pig in the sun, & absolutely no sleeping in. Ah yes, summer.

I'm in the process of getting nates therapy scheduled, amirahs swim team and guitar lessons on the schedule, rescue work on the ccalendar, sessions booked, vbs, library days, etc. We will be productive this summer. Well that's my goal.

I'm a member at the Y and absolutely love it. Yoga is my favorite. I wish I had time to try other stuff but I am constantly busy with something else or nobody to watch my well behaved kids.haha! So I'm creating a home fitness area at home. I'm pretty excited about it. I'll update on IG my daily workouts and whatnot. My goal is to get fit and feel good.

I've taken soda out of my diet completely. It was hard at first but now I don't even crave it. I do however have my coffee. 👍 and I'm a sucker for sweets. Starbucks has a deeeeelish flower sugar cookie that I am ever so in love with.

My high school reunion is approaching. Everyone is ecstatic to go but I'll be skipping this one. I wasn't fond of my highschool nor do I have the best memories there. I keep up with those I know on Facebook. I have had some friendships lost over the past year. Some I feel refreshed and better about whereas others...I miss. It hasn't hit me until recently. I don't blame them. I think we just had a major fall out and couldn't recover from it. I often wonder if our friendship will reconnect. There are things that make me think of them and question what ridiculous mess brought us to where we are. I was looking at my Time hop and noticing how much I've changed in 4 years. I'm sure 4 years from now I will have matured more. Idk...just rambling. I don't seek pity or woe is me. The other party may be feeling completely opposite and that's understandable. I just miss them and smile at the memories we had.

We're painting the house. Its coming along well. Colors...blue, yellow, gray. I'm iffy on the yellow I chose but its growing on me. Trying to decide if I should refinish the kitchen table and living coffee table. Pinterest is not helping as I want what I can't afford. Lol

Maya Angelou passed. So incredibly heartbreaking. She was a phenomenal writer. What saddens me more is how many people do not know who she is or recognize her writings. Thats just devastating. She inspired so many and my heart aches for those who have never enjoyed her work. They have truly missed out.

Oh remember "spongebob" the pineapple? He's rotting. 😂😩🍍
We're going to have to trade him out here soon. Lol

Well I have a kid to chase and more painting to catch up on. Hopefully my phone will let me upload pictures faster next time. Rambling blog today. :P

Follow me on IG to track my fitness and keep me motivated!

@mandacreigh