Autopilot

That's the only way I can describe it

Autopilot

All day

And at night I'm sick.

My body hurts so badly

I can barely chew my food

Because I either feel sick to my stomach or my jaw hurts from tension.

Friday was the MRI.

It was supposed to be Thursday but the Dr

Called radiology and requested a 3t scan done.

One that Katy campus doesn't have.

So we got rescheduled for Friday in the med center.

Poor girl missed two days of school

And she couldn't eat all day.

She was so cranky.

I don't blame her 

So we get to the med center.

And make it to radiology.

We quickly get called back.

I almost lost it a few times. 

Things that were said.

It just puts you on edge and makes you start oover thinking

Everything was fine until they discovered she has metal

In her mouth.

A spacer.

Kailah lost a tooth too early

And has a spacer until she's old enough to let the big

Tooth grow in. 

Anyways it was cause for concern for the MRI

Because its metal and metal heats up in an MRI

So it was either give her anesthesia and risk 

Her mouth getting too hot

Or not put her to sleep and risk her freaking out in the MRI

So many nurses came and went

I was on edge.

I told the anesthesiologist

"Go with your gut. Do what YOU think is best"

They kept saying

"Youre here to scan a ganglion cyst right?

WHAT!? NO!!! we wouldnt be here if

It was a ganglion cyst!

Its a TUMOR!!

At that point i was just sick to my stomach.

They decided it would be best to let kailah

Sleep during the mri

An hour long they said.

One hour max.

She was so brave getting her iv.

Quite humorous actually.

Never cried.

Made silly faces. Lol

Then away they went at 2:22pm

An hour long. 

One hour they said.

3:22pm....

4:22pm....

Excuse me mam, whats the status of my daughter?

"Oh the doctor called and wanted more scans, it will be a bit longer

But shes doing good"

At that point i freaked out.

Every possible thing went through my mind.

More scans?

Is it bad?

Did he see something?

Why more scans?

My mom was there to keep me company.

She got me a coffee and muffin

But i honestly felt sick.

I was hungry but

Nauseated.

5:28pm...

"Mrs. Trevino...your daughter is out now"

I couldnt get up fast enough.

There she was

Sleeping so peaceful

The nurse kept talking

I wanted her to go away

When under stress 

I just like to be left alone.

I focused on kailah

Took about 10 minutes and she woke up.

grumpy gills

But she was good.

Quickly requested a cake pop

Thats my Jade.

(:

The nurse said dr will receive the results monday

So home we went.

To wait the weekend.

Monday is here.

I called the office to see if i can get in tomorrow to 

Discuss results

BuT the lady said next appointment isn't until late

January.

I went off. 

NO!

I MUST COME IN THIS WEEK.

she reassured me that 

The Dr will call me when the results

Come in.

So once he reviews them he will 

Call me. 

So now I wait.

On autopilot.

Moving

Keeping busy

Crying randomly

Then going about life again as usual

I know people say

"I'm sure she'll be okay"

But you don't understand

Nothing has been okay

Everything keeps going bad.

I know thinking positive will be best

But I also have to be prepared

And being prepared is also 

Reality.

It hits hard.

What if it is bad?

What then?

I'm having faith its all okay.

that its just a calcified tumor.

There's the 50/50 chance.

But I'm just sick to my stomach

Not knowing.

And I'm nervous to know.

It will be a huge relief if it is just

A calcified tumor.

It still means more surgery because

It has to come out.

But its better than the alternative.

Just send some happy thoughts

And prayers that

We get answers SOON

and that they're GOOD results.

I can't thank you all enough. 

Xoxo